I'm eating all of the evidence.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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