You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
