i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
