I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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