sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
