I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
