Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
