I puked a lego.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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