Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
