I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
