official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When did angry sex become our thing?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
