All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
