You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
