Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
