So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
