did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
