Me. At least after what I've been through.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
