They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.