If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.