just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned