We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.