$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices