if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.