i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
