no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
