My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
