I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
