Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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