Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
