i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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