We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
