I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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