So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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