wanna go halves on a baby?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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