I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
