I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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