please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
