If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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