eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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