Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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