my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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