i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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