me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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