bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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