how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
