I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
