apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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