this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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