My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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