I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
