U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
