my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
