there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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