Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
