you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
