Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
