Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
