she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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