I just pynch a tree in the face
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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