At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
