Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
