i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
