Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
