I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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