I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
