Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
