Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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