Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
